Heard at the beach and by the pool…

“So I’m at the beach with this log of sand stuck in the crotch of my swimsuit. How am I gonna get it out without looking weird?”

“I don’t know, but the way you’re walking sure looks weird.”

“I almost lost my suit in that last wave.”

“I know, I saw you trip and fall getting it back up.”

“I’ve got this floss thing running up between my butt cheeks cleaning out places where it shouldn’t be.”

“I have to adjust this thing, again and again, or else it looks sloppy and my privates pop out. Dang thing sags off and has to be pulled back up constantly.”               

 “When I dive in, it begins to fall off. Then, while I try to swim, it needs readjusted.”

 “ I hate the way that these straps are digging in to the tender skin below my breasts.”

“I end up with these weird looking tanlines like a painted on bikini.”

 “I’m too old to be seen wearing a two piece.”

“Well, it at least covers the important parts”

“Breast don’t all look like that? Do they?”

“Oops, the girls are falling out again.”

“Do you have any idea how much this thing costs? No way I’m not gonna wear it in the water!”

“Don’t ya hate when that white part gets out from under the textile and burns pink. Then, the fabric starts to rub it sore?”

“Oh that suit is so ‘80’s. She looks like such a prude.”

“Do you know skin cancer often happens where the textile garments move and the skin burns?”

“Am I really hiding any part of me in this clingy, skimpy thing?” Sometimes, ya gotta wonder, ‘What’s the sense?’”

“What do you do with that cold wet dripping glob of fabric when you’re done with it?” “Have you tried putting that slimy damp contraption back on?”

“These trunks are sure clammy after a swim.”

 “At the beach… it’s true grit.”

“Dude, Check out the side boob on that one!”

“OMG! I am facing rejection, because I look the uncool fool. My suit is outdated!”

“Don’t sit down, you’re all wet.”

“Ah crud, now my chair seat is wet, too!”

 “GAH! It squished down and out when I sat down!”

“This suit is clinging in my butt crack. Now, I’ve got to spread my legs and pull it out in front of everyone.”

“I’m ashamed how my natural body looks.  I think that some people just shouldn’t be seen.”

“It’s like I feel ashamed because someone sees the truth and I’ve been living a lie.”

“Ever have your baggy suit float up looking like a jelly fish tutu? Talk about traction slowing down a swimmer!”

 “’But they’re sexy’, ya say?” “But then, are you not soliciting sexy attention?” “Maybe you need to make up your mind.”

And Down the Coast

“Come on folks! Let’s just get naked. It’s natural”…

…”Look Mommy! He’s not wearing his. Can I please take mine off, too?”

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